Stubborn. What’s the difference between stubborn and determined? The former has a negative connotation (con=with, notation… huh) while the latter, a positive one. Sometimes being stubborn can lead to determination when one is unwilling to admit a wrong– determination to prove the fallacy. Likewise, determination can lead stubbornness when one is unwilling to admit defeat, or as my life coach friend would say– when something is “no longer serving”. How kind. How gentle.
I am being stubborn right now. As I write this, I’m dressed up like an olympic runner, determined to go out for a run today, but knowing it’s unlikely. These tight clothes are digging into my thighs and ribs and there is no good reason not to change out of them, BUT THAT when I do, it will seal the sad fate of today’s exercise. So, I sit, and I itch. Type, then adjust.
I read a poem today that made me want to explore the interactions between inanimate objects. Like, what’s the relationship between the wine and the glass? How does my toaster feel about my counter? Does it matter if you separate a matching set of chairs from one another, and if so, to whom? To us, to the chairs?
Another thing happening as I write is that my dog (Ernie) is rolled up against my side and on top of some pillows. As such, my left arm is being held at such an angle that my head and neck are having to compensate for the too high position of my shoulder. Ernie demands this for his continued contentment and I, already bothered by my tight and shifty shorts, am also attempting to hold this pose, and this computer, and my thoughts in line, ever so carefully as not to interrupt his no doubt deeply pensive state. Who is being stubborn here, he or I?